She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
