Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
