Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
