i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
