Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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