we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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