Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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