im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
