last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
