Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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