i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize