I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
