He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
