We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
