My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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