I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
