My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
