i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize