I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
