i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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