Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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