I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
