She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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