I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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