Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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