if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
