someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
