You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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