The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
