hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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