I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
