maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
