So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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