What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
