I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
