After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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