If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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