Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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