I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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