nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
