I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
