Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
