Plan B is the new Plan A
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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