my mouth tastes like poor choices
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
