like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
