I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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