i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
