You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize