While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
