dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
