I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
