Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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