I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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