how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
