There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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