yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
