it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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