do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
