Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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