am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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