Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
In the future we'll all be gay
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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