I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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