We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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