you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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