i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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