He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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