Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
