Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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